Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
