I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
