I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
