She said her name was "party"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
