watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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