It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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