just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
