I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
