Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
