and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
