I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
