Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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