I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
