the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
