Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This baby is an asshole
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
