the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
