this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
