Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
