in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
