are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
