I cannot find my penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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