i think my tv is drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
