Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
