"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
