Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
