now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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