Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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