hotel room ftw
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
