wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
