This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
