I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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