I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
