I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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