I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
