i love accidental penises.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
