It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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