Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
