Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn victory sex feels great
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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