I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
