Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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