haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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