you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
