i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
