maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
