There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I look better un-naked...
We need to rekindle our bromance
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
