We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
