bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think my vagina is haunted
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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