I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
