About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone shattered a urinal.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
