she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
