I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
