I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
