You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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