this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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