Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I did not marry a roomba.
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