Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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