I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
