no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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