mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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