Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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