I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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