so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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