I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
