yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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