There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
