went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
