dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
