Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
