Someone shit on the floor
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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