his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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