Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
