I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
