I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
