forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this beer tastes like vomit already
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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