After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
