we're blogging at a bar
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
