I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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