i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
