yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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