i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
