I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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