Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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