Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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