one two three fourrrrnication!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
