Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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